As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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