the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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