toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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