Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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