it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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