her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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