OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
