PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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