like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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