What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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