I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
