theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
