So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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