How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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