She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
