Plan B is the new Plan A
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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