I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
