My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
