There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
