You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
