just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
