shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
