LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
