youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
birth control should be required to get into college
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
