So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
