is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
