there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
