That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
