p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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