sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
