we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
