You're completely useless in the revolution.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
