after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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