the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
