Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
