He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
