Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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