When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
