my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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