Don't you send me to vm
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
