I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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