Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
