Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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