these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
