This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
