normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my nose is crying tears of wow.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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