I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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