YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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