im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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