If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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