Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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