her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This house was built for laser tag.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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