I heard we made out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
