Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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