look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
