I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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