She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
