Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
