It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
