I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
