is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize