I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
