I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
