trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
