my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
