I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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