I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
