Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
