my sisters under your porch take her home
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
