Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
